Tell You What You Mean to Me
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Pyro recites a list of his many personal qualities while Magneto gives his own rebuttal.


**Tell You What You Mean to Me**

"I can not believe this," Magneto groaned as he threw away a newly emptied bottle of aspirin and gingerly held a hand to his head. He was currently sitting at his desk in his private office going over reports. "This is unbelievable. My latest batch of genetic experiments is a failure. My main source of iridium has dried up and I have been forced to triple the weekly repair budget again! Not only that, two stealth satellites have stopped functioning, secrecy may be lifted on my banking accounts in Austria, the base's entire food supply needs to be restocked..."

"Hi ya boss!" Pyro chirped as he cheerfully entered the office. "Want me to burn anything for ya?"

"But of course the most infuriating problem is right in front of me," Magneto hissed. "Pyro get out of here!"

"Come on boss. You don't really mean that," Pyro pointed out. "Otherwise you won't have left the door to your private office open."

"That's because the door to my private office is **gone**!" Magneto shouted. "Gambit stole it earlier this morning and I want it back!"

"Oh, so that's what Sabertooth dared him to do," Pyro realized. "I wonder if there's any relation between it and that big flat object Gambit dared me to burn up."

"He what?" Magneto gasped. "Oh no! That's the sixth door this week!"

"Besides, I wanted to come in and see what new things you've done to your office," Pyro said looking around. "I bet you made a lot of changes in here after you send us out of the base to that lake."

"Oh gosh, don't even remind me of **that** stupid episode," Magneto groaned. "What you four lunatics managed to do out there while trying to get back to the base was almost beyond description!"

"Come on boss. We weren't that bad," Pyro waved.

"Not that bad? You maniacs went and blazed a trail of fire, destruction and mayhem across half the state!" Magneto reached for another report. "Just look at all this! You blew up two convenience stores, four gas stations, flooded an entire golf course, robbed three bars, a used car lot, robbed **and** blew up two liquor barns, started a riot at a local baking club, kidnapped the mascot of a Vietnamese restaurant chain dressed up in a noodle suit and held him hostage for nine hours..."

"We did not!" Pyro protested. "Nicky was our buddy! We brought him along to hang out with us! Though he did have a bad habit of crying and passing out a lot."

"Destroyed an amusement park and arcade," Magneto continued reading the report. "Ran a dancing casino at a roadside lawn ornament depot, took a fire engine for a joyride before crashing it into a whipped cream factory, caused fifteen separate pileups on the highway, covered an entire dog racing track with multicolored toilet paper **and** caused a quarter of the entire state police force to either wind up in the hospital or change careers!"

"Well, yeah," Pyro admitted. "But at least we weren't arrested or caught on the cop's patrol cameras."

"Yes, but you also weren't even halfway back to the base when they called out the National Guard!" Magneto snapped. "Thank goodness I managed to track you all down and bring you back when I did or you fools would have caused even **more** damage!"

"Yeah, it was really nice of you to pick us up," Pyro said. "We got lost a couple of times trying to find our way back to the base."

"If only you had stayed that way," Magneto muttered to himself. "Maybe I would have been better off leaving you all out there for good."

"At least we got back here in time to fix dinner," Pyro went on. "Along with all the fresh stuff we picked up and were able to roast, bake and grill! That reminds me, the rest of the kitchen ceiling caved in this morning on what remained of the stove right after I made breakfast."

"Why haven't I killed you yet?" Magneto asked glaring at Pyro. "Seriously? Why do I even bother keeping you around?"

"Oh, I can reel off an entire alphabet of reasons for that," Pyro replied cheerfully. "Wanna hear them?"

"NO!" Magneto thundered. "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!"

"Okay, I won't!" Pyro cleared his throat. "I'll just wing it!"

"Oh no," Magneto groaned.

"Ahem," Pyro smiled. "_A, I'm adorable! B, I'm a blithe bubble! C, I'm a candle spreading light!_"

"Oh no! Not more singing!" Magneto moaned burying his head into his hands. "Why does he always have to be singing?"

"_D, I'm a deviant! And E, I'm exuberant! And F, I'm a fire burning bright!_" Pyro sang cheerfully.

"More like a flash in the pan," Magneto grumbled. "A bedpan!"

"_G, I'm a glass that's full! H, I'm so huggable! I, my imagination sings!_" Pyro ignored Magneto's distress as he began to dance around the room.

"If only it was the **single** thing that did," Magneto groaned and held his hands over his ears.

"_J, I like jokes and games! K, I'm the king of flames! L, I love the life I'm living!_" Pyro grinned.

"You won't **be** living if you keep this nonsense up much longer!" Magneto snapped.

"_M, N, O, P! __I could go on all day!_" Pyro laughed happily.

"Not with a bear trap around your neck you couldn't!" Magneto warned.

"_Q, R, S, T! Alphabetically speaking: 'I'm OK!'_" Pyro declared.

"Genetically perhaps," Magneto grumbled to himself. "Mentally is another story."

"_U, I'm unorthodox! V, stands for my voice box! W, X, Y, Zed!_" Pyro chirped as he skipped around. "_It's fun to tell you why I'm such an awesome guy for all the reasons I have said!_"

"Aaarrrggghhh!" Magneto yelled and glared at Pyro with a dangerous look in his eye. "That's it! I can't take it anymore! You have just demonstrated a whole **anthology** of reasons why I should get rid of you right now!"

"Really?" Pyro blinked. "What are they?"

"I'll tell you!" Magneto shouted. "_A, you're annoying me! B, you're a bane to see! C, you're a crazy, mixed-up clown!"_

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Pyro commented.

"_D, you're delinquent!_ _And E, you're explodent!_ _And F, you're a fool without a crown!_" Magneto declared.

"No I'm not!" Pyro protested. "I still have a few paper ones I haven't burned yet from that fast food joint we stopped at."

"_G, on my nerves you grate!_ _H, your antics I **hate**!_ _I, you're illegally insane!_" Magneto ticked off his list.

"So? No one has arrested me for it yet," Pyro boasted. "And they never will!"

"_J, you're jaculable!_ _K, you're so **killable**!_ _L, you're a lunatic flame brain!_" Magneto yelled.

"Lunatic flame brain?" Pyro blinked. "Hey, that was my nickname in preschool! At least it used to be before I was kicked out."

"_M, N, O, P!_ Y_ou have outworn your stay!_" Magneto warned.

"Really?" Pyro asked. "Maybe I can get another one in a bigger size."

"_Q, R, S, T!_ _Let me put it succinctly, GO AWAY!_" Magneto used his powers to form several large metallic sledgehammers from the walls.

"Uh oh," Pyro gulped.

"_U, upset everything!_ _V, means you're so vexing!_ _W, X, Y, Z!_" Magneto magnetically leveled his sledgehammers with a wicked gleam in his eye. "_My patience is worn through! I now know what to do to deal with the pain inside me!_"

"Oh, would you look at the time?" Pyro glanced at his bare wrist. "Must be going now. Bye!" He quickly fled from the room.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Magneto roared and flew after him while wildly swinging his sledgehammers. "GET BACK HERE YOU LUNATIC! I'M GONNA POUND YOU INTO A PANCAKE AND USE YOU AS A THROW RUG!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pyro screamed as he ran for his life.

"HERE'S THE **REAL** REASON I STILL BOTHER TO KEEP YOU AROUND!" Magneto laughed maniacally as he chased after Pyro. "IT DOESN'T COME CLOSE TO FIXING ALL THE DAMAGE YOU CAUSE BUT IT'S **VERY** THERAPEUTIC!"

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "A, You're Adorable".<strong>


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